Assembly Required by jodimariec

April 23, 2006 05:31 PM EDT

Assembly Required.

Assembly Required

Assembly Required

That combination of words sounds so innocent.  Any old person could do it - right?  I try it every time.  You would think I would learn!  But NO.  I am a smart woman.  I have a college degree.  I am a successful career woman and mother.  I can tackle this little project!

Right.  Try to assemble a grill you smart, educated woman.  My father-in-law suggested we get someone to assemble it for us, but NO.  I CAN DO IT.  I was determined to demonstrate my ASSEMBLY talents.

I carefully took out the parts in order and laid them straight.  My first sign of trouble was that not all of the parts were there...my failure or Kenmore's? (or the last unfortunate person to try this project with this same grill!?). 

Still, I thought - ONE STEP AT A TIME.  I can do this!  Step one.  Put the legs on.  Easy enough, Right?  NO.  The holes of the legs didn't line up with the holes of the shelf.  I took them apart and tried again - at another  angle.  Maybe if I push...maybe if I push.  Maybe if I push THAT way, maybe if I pull THIS way.  But no.  I can't even get ONE LEG ON.

My husband was smart enough to stay out of the way and not even try.  He knows that his father is a wise man.  He suggests I stop since I am swearing up a storm and he doesn't think that is the best behavior for his smart, talented, usually calm wife to be demonstrating in front of our adorable 8 month old.

As I grumpily put the pieces of the grill back in the box, my husband explains to our little boy that mommy was just saying "this Ducking grill *&(U)*S) Ducking parts....DUCKING ASSMBLY REQUIRED!!!  &)(*#)*)&(_*&#)*_)#*_)*#!!!"

It is a rainy day and the Ducks are ubiquitous.